So many people have asked me how I’m doing with two kids. I was incredibly nervous thinking about what it would be like once AJ returned to school after paternity leave was over (he had a week leave and then school vacation was conveniently the next week).
I feel like I don’t have much time to just sit and think (other than nursing in the middle of the night and oddly enough, I don’t think my best thinking is done after only three hours of sleep. :)). Monday was gorgeous out. It was the kind of day dreams are made of (aka: the kind of day California has 360 days a year) and I decided to sit outside in the sun with Elle wrapped in a blanket. And that’s all I did for 20 or so minutes. I didn’t bring a book or the iPad. AJ wasn’t home from school yet and Drew was napping. It was quiet and I was just struck by how fortunate I am to be right where I am now. My friend Val (she set AJ and me up on that fateful blind date) starts off one of her classes each year at Gordon asking her students if they could be anywhere at that moment where would they choose to be. If it’s an 8am class frequently they will say back in bed. 🙂 But at that moment in time, as I was sitting outside with my little nine pounder I was struck by how I didn’t want to be anywhere else. I don’t think I’d ever say “I was created to be a mother.” or at least not solely to be a mother… but I do know that I was created to raise these two kids and that I’m thrilled to be doing it. … and that’s saying a lot because I felt like I was going through the quarter-life crisis (as John Mayer aptly described it) when I had Drew. I feel more at peace and full of joy than I have probably any other time in my adult life right now.
Please don’t be hard on yourself if this is completely the opposite experience you have had or are having with the transition to having a child. This is only my experience. If there is anything having children has taught me it’s that I judged parents far too much before experiencing it myself. Trust me, I know no two parents experience things the same way. If you are having a hard time, I get it. That’s how I felt with Drew. The learning curve was so incredibly high and I felt clueless pretty much 90% of the time. 🙂