I received some emails with questions about our foster / adoption process so I figured I’d answer some of them here! Don’t hesitate to email me if you have questions I didn’t answer. 🙂 Jen.Migonis@gmail.com
You asked about the birth parents and the weekly visits with them…
Once a week I need to bring the twins to visit their birth parents about an hour away. I never meet the parents and the Department of Children & Family (DCF) workers don’t want them to see me. Each visit is supervised by a DCF worker and it is for an hour long. If the parents don’t show up or leave early that goes on their record for when the state makes their case on whether the birth parents should keep their children or if their children are better off in their pre-adoptive home.
I have taken notes on both of the visits with the parents based on whatever the social worker tells me. I want to have all my info when the twins’ attorney comes to me for an adoption hearing.
If the parents fulfill every requirement on their plan that DCF made up for them then they can take the children back. Based off their records with their other children it doesn’t look like that’s incredibly likely. We are, though, unclear whether a grandparent or aunt / uncle could take them but so far no one has said that they are able to.
How are Drew and Elle doing with this change?
I didn’t know what to expect with Elle… but she thinks the babies are her own and she is always hugging them and calling them “honey” and “sweetie”.
Drew is a different story. He had a really hard time when Elle was born, both leading up to it and post-birth. I expected this would be very similar. It has been in some respects… he has been incredibly disrespectful and disobedient leading up to the adoption and after it. I had a feeling this would happen because it was so bad when Elle was born and sure enough… He basically ignored Elle for six months after she was born. This time around it took him a week to stop ignoring the babies. I started having the babies “talk” to Drew in a funny voice and he loves it. We finished reading his story tonight and he just had the cutest conversation with one of them … he was acting like such a big brother.
How are you doing? Like really.
We’re good. Some days. Night time is really hard with two up and not always on the same schedule. They are both SUCH loud sleepers / snorers so that keeps us up even though they are in the room next to us.
I’d say my biggest challenge isn’t the lack of sleep it’s not getting things done like I used to. When I have two babies sleeping I want to spend time with Drew and Elle and not short change them. I don’t even mean I can’t get blog projects done… I mean I can’t figure out when to fold and put away the laundry unless it after the kids go to bed (and at that time all I want to do is sleep or work on my to-do list that is a mile long!
AJ’s biggest struggle is the lack of sleep plus extra projects around the house just to keep us functioning.
How did I get AJ on board?
Honestly… I didn’t. God took care of our hearts in this whole process. He worked on us and told us for six years he wanted us to adopt and it just happened that once we moved into this home, which is significantly larger than our last one, and reached a place with Drew and Elle where we felt fairly confident parenting we were ready to take the leap. There were some months / years where I was ready and others where AJ was more ready.
Tell me about your MAAP training classes.
Someone asked if the 10 week MAAP training classes certified us to both foster and adopt. Yes, they do. Our class was made up of only people with the end goal of adoption. Our teachers said that they tailor the class slightly differently depending on the makeup of the group (they may mention more adoption specific things with group demographics like ours).
Who chose the kids for our family?
We were chosen to have the twins in our pre-adoptive home by the twins’ social worker. Our social worker emailed our home study to the twins’ social worker and told her she thought we’d be a great fit, the twins’ worker agreed and here we are! The birth parents had nothing to do with the decision… they know nothing about us (not even where we live, our names, etc.).
We told our social worker that we were open to a sibling group ages three and under. We were expecting a situation like a two year old and an infant but God had other plans for our family!
Do we get to change their names?
Yes, if the adoption goes through. We anticipate that we will change both of their names and are already tossing around ideas… since I can’t tell you their real names we thought it would be fun to tell you what their names will be if the adoption goes through that way I can start referring to them as something other than The Twins… but I can’t give you any names yet… we still have a short list of ones we are tossing around.